How to Avoid Misunderstandings

Stop quarreling in your relationships...

Relationships can be so different between people. Sometimes you look at a married couple, and you can’t stop looking at them - everything seems so harmonious with them. Unfortunately, it is not always possible to achieve that deep level of understanding. Sometimes interactions in a relationship feel more like strategic military actions. Each person sees the situation from their own angle and aggressively advances their own agenda. Hence the misunderstanding, quarrels, reproaches, and resentment.

So how do you stop quarreling, and find understanding with each other without all the shouting and scandals?

Let's take a look at a few tips:

One of the most common reasons for misunderstanding and quarrels is the desire to prove one's case. You’re used to doing something in a certain way and want to convince your soulmate that it is more convenient and faster your way. But remember, before meeting you your partner had their own deeply rooted ways of doing things and followed their own counsel. Even if your method is really more effective, this does not guarantee that your loved one will accept it wholeheartedly and change their behavior. Thus the battle of wills ensues.

Recommendation - In such situations, it is very important to find a middle ground for resolving the issues. Find that place and negotiate an acceptable compromise.

The second most common reason for frequent misunderstandings and quarrels is when it is important for one of the partners to always be right in every situation. They always try to convince their partner and do not try to understand and hear them. Each person has a personal motive for an act. You can recognize this motive only by delving into the essence of what the other person is saying, and for this, you need to put aside your desire to convey exclusively your truth. Listen carefully to what your loved one is trying to tell you.

Recommendation - Instead of proving your point of view, try to look at the situation through the eyes of your partner, and then you will find their argument also make sense and truth.

Nothing is more frustrating and angering than being together with someone whose desire is to remake you. If you try and do this, understand that your actions will not develop that person or help them. You're just trying to create convenience for yourself. The desire to create the most convenient version of a loved one for your own purposes devalues their personality, frustrates them, and sparks conflict.

Recommendation - Try not to correct your partner. Focus on preserving their dignity while finding value in their approach to life. What you think are shortcomings may in fact be differences in methods to acheive the same goal. Love them for who they are.

In conclusion, we want to share with you a wonderful parable that we recently read. It reflects a very accurate picture of how spouses should respond to each other to achieve a life that is harmonious and happy absent of misunderstandings and quarrels.

Parable

"There lived two families, completely different. In one, the spouses constantly quarreled and sorted things out, while the other couple lived in harmony. The husband and wife didn’t quarrel but respected and appreciated each other. In general, love, peace, and harmony reigned in that family.

The noisy and scandalous family could not understand how it was possible to live without having quarrels all the time. And then one day the husband decided to spy on the neighbors to find out how they seemed to live in perfect harmony. And here’s what he saw.

The woman was doing household chores, and when she was dusting the table, the phone rang, she went to answer, leaving a beautiful and most likely very expensive vase on the very edge of the table.

At that moment while she was gone, the woman's husband came up to the table, and not noticing the vase, accidentally bumped the table. The vase fell and broke into a million pieces. The wife entered the room and the neighbor thought for sure that a huge fight over the broken vase was about to occur.

To his amazement, the wife did not swear, rant, and rave, but said, “Sorry, dear, it’s my fault that the vase broke, I left it on the edge of the table when I went to answer the phone.” The man replied that his wife was not to blame, but he should have been more careful, and the vase broke because he carelessly bumped the table.

The couple did not quarrel, but instead, the two of them carefully collected all the pieces, and continued to go about their busy day.

The neighbor was shocked and even became upset. After returning home, he thought about that vase, then finally understood the secret of that family. Did you catch what the secret of the harmonious couple is?

The secret he found is that, in the harmonious family, everyone is right, but in his family, everyone is to blame. 

Often conflicts arise because of a little trifle. Is a broken vase really worth shattered nerves, angry tears, and tantrums that cause separation and emotional pain?

Well, even if this thing like the vase is dear to your heart, you must understand that it can no longer be glued together. A quarrel will not repair it. But it happens. Quarrels get started over trifles resulting in vulgar and offensive words being said to each other that cause real pain. Why hurt the person you love? People make mistakes and cause reproaches. They aren’t doing it on purpose, they are just human like you are.

Just try to stop blaming and scolding each other. Simply look for a solution to the problem with love, and understanding. Then you will avoid needless quarrels and misunderstandings.